Wednesday, September 8, 2010

It's in your knickers

Over a long weekend (months ago) I had a lovely conversation with a friend over wine and, as usual, the conversation winded down to good ol' fashion. It was not the usual "who's hot, what's in" conversation, but rather a freche take on good ol' lingerie (btw, does lingerie have a gender? do men wear lingerie? boyingerie perhaps?). We elaborated at length on the interests that people have in the world of swimwear and lingerie - evident in the turnout at Swimwear shows (be it out of pure interest or the pervy voyeur in them manifesting under the disguise of interest in s/s collections, not sure which it is really) - and whether it's possible that the less than 1 metre square fabric has an effect on what you wear and how you wear it.

Let me first start with a little introspection: The undergarment that I wear is almost always determined by my outfit - and when I lack inspiration, my kaleidoscopic coloured selection of underwear dictates the outfit - hence I sometimes find myself wearing grey pants with grey undies). The other cringe factor is VPL, or what accidentally peeks out of my hipster-cut trousers... or, worst still, the thought of waking up in hospital after a traumantic experience and finding that I wore THOSE unflattering undies (hence I steer clear of the hideous "tanga", for all the reasons stated above).
Gay men, in our times, lead the pack when it comes to clothing brands and underwear is no exception. Calvin Klein, every gay man's secret underwear weapon, has made truck-loads of money from those with pink currency trading powers and there's been a boom in the boyingerie since many have taken note.

Classic Calvin Klein Briefs - with a double layer and "quick access" opening pocket (which I presume was to let a bit of ventilation) in the groin area - all packaged (pardon the pun) in highly presentable design lines

Djimon Honsou oiled up for a CK advert - do you blame the boys for buying into the brand?

So here are my underwear choices (with a few brand lusts):
The Briefs:

This is where we all start (post diapers, ofcourse)... the briefs, but this in no way suggests you should wear the same design you did when you were 3 years old - you know: elastic cotton briefs and sagging because there's little flesh to fill the room (those are hideous!), grow into the more fitted ones with extra cushioning, where you need it, and air pockets and the gorgeous crotch-finished design. The ones above are by AussieBum and they makes DeGorgeous underwear in different cuts, fabric and colours - but stick to cotton (it's cool, as in lets air in, - last thing you need are moist loins!) and colours that are easy on the eye: nudes, whites, blacks or mono-coloured ones (with clean finishes).

On the downside: the VPL (VUL just sounds wrong, so we'll borrow this term from the girls) on these is nasty - so thick material pants are your only option (think jeans).

The Boxers:

Favoured by many who have self-named themselves after some gangster/rapper or usually have "DJ" preceding their corny vinyl/music-derived name, Dj Scratchy or whatever. These give a fantastic hanging room *giggles* and can only really be worn with loose garments - think your lounging pants. (I will not even raise the pants to the knees which underwear to pick because that's just nasty to see!)

But the mistake "Dj Scratchy" and his friends make is that they think looney tunes characters need to adorn their, usually, satin boxers. (Please note the number of errors in that sentence): Yes, it's cute to have everyone believe you still have a soft spot for cartoon characters but when refering to underwear, soft spot is rarely the term we should be using to describe a man's undies... and satin for daily wear? I do not know what damp swamp you're aiming for but humid spells breeding ground for microbes so steer clear I would say, steer clear of the heat conserving, moisture-retaining satin undies for daywear (especially in summer). With that said - a little satin Boyingerie number, with tasteful detail (or none ideally - arrow-through-the-heart prints are just tacky) and in one solid colour a la the CK ones above - yes, this is a CK advert, lol!

On the downside: limits what you can wear... meggings/mannings/male leggings and boxers won't make a pretty sight!


The controversial male-thong... great for hiding VPLs, keeps the boys downstairs in one place and if the perfect (almost snug) fit is used, the world's your oyster when it comes to selecting an outfit. I would avoid the animal prints (blerggh!) or ones with woo many patterns/detailings/tassles on them (unless you are... actually, avoid regardless of situation)

downside: I guess I watch too much TV and from all the comedies and trash-TV that I have encountered, I say: double-ply toilet paper and do a good job! Doubt if anyone wants to see a plumbers cleavage with these on (or ever actually!)

The boxer briefs (and my personal favourites):

These answer all the downside questions! They are roomy, comfy, have no VPL, have some kind of air-ventilation technology and I particularly love the seamless ones that Ralph Lauren did (spoilt myself to those).

Downside: no double-layered groin cushioning, but I do not plan to baseball so there goes that downside. These score ten-out-of-ten.

Absurd underwear which have no explanation:


In different shapes, colours and on models - they look like rush-job briefs, wrong-wrong-wrong! - there are no words really...


Unless you're about to do the Hakka or run the mile (I hope these are correct sports-terms), there is no reason.

Then again, several gay men might say otherwise...

1 comment:

TTdoubleO7 said...

hahaha!! I absolutely love reading your posts, this has to be my personal favourite though, perhaps because it is not so "fashion forward" (I'm clueless at that stuff)

Yeah, so, it would seem that like me, all gay men love the boxer briefs, they are just so...hmm...yeah!! Great read as usual!